The school summer holidays are now well underway. For many families this means a welcome break from the usual routine, but for separated parents it can also mean longer periods apart from the children, different handovers, holidays away and more communication with the other parent than usual. A little planning, flexibility and thought about how things feel for the children can make a real difference.
Make the arrangements clear
Where possible, try to agree the practical details in advance — when and where handovers will take place, how long the children will be staying with each parent and any holidays or trips that are planned. Clear arrangements help avoid last-minute misunderstandings and give children the reassurance of knowing what is happening and when. If plans do need to change, try to give the other parent as much notice as possible. A shared calendar or parenting app can also be a helpful way of keeping dates and arrangements in one place.
Keep handovers about the children
Handovers can sometimes be the point at which tensions between separated parents surface. If communication is difficult, keeping things brief, friendly and practical can help. Try not to use handovers to discuss disagreements or raise difficult issues, particularly in front of the children. Where face-to-face communication is difficult, a handover book or parenting app can be useful for sharing practical information about medication, sleep, activities or anything else the other parent needs to know. Most importantly, children should never feel responsible for carrying messages between their parents.
Staying in touch while they are away
If your children are spending a week or two with their other parent, it is entirely natural to miss them and want to stay in touch. A telephone or video call can be reassuring, particularly for younger children, but there is no one arrangement that suits every family. Think about your child’s age, what they are used to and what feels comfortable for them. Try to allow them to enjoy their time away without feeling that they need to constantly check in or report back.
Going away?
If either parent is taking the children abroad, make sure passports, travel information and any necessary consent are dealt with in good time. Leaving these discussions until the last minute can turn an exciting holiday into an unnecessary source of stress. If you are unsure whether consent is required, take advice before travelling.
Let children enjoy their summer
Children may have their own views about how they would like to spend their holidays, particularly as they get older. Listening to them is important, but they should not be made responsible for choosing between their parents. Encourage them to enjoy the time they spend with the other parent and take an interest in what they have done when they come home. They should never feel that enjoying a holiday with one parent is somehow disloyal to the other. And remember, separated parents do not have to agree about everything. What matters is finding arrangements that are safe, workable and put the children first.
If summer arrangements are becoming difficult, getting some advice early can often prevent a disagreement becoming something much bigger. Mediation can help parents find their own solution and, where legal advice or court intervention is needed, our specialist family solicitors can guide you through your options.
At Just Family Law, we understand that every family is different and will help you find an approach that works for yours.
Emma Sanders is a Partner with Just Family Law. If you would like to book an appointment to obtain advice about child arrangements, domestic abuse allegations or Family Court proceedings, our team would be happy to help. Please contact emmasanders@just-family-law.com or phone 01962 217640.